RED VS BLUE
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Between two groups of people who want to make inconsistent kinds of worlds, I see no remedy but force. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
1. Chapter 1

RED V.S. BLUE

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Abed nadeer stared at the remains of today's battlefield, wondering how things got this far...

FLASHBACK...

"_Two castles?" Asked a confused princess bubblegum."But, I only need one"... _

_Troy Barnes shot abed a nasty look before speaking. Yeah...we had..."difficulties."_

…...

Troy Barnes also stared at today's battlefield from the safety of Blue's-Burg. He quietly stares at a picture of him and abed...before quietly letting it go and let the wind whip it away...

FLASHBACK...

"_Okay, guys. You've both made good arguments about your castles...But here's the deal, due _

_to some kooky, long forgotten bi-law...I'm not allowed conduct any of the necessary _

_functions that keep my kingdom running until my castle is rebuilt. So bottom line: how long will _

_it take for either of you to finish your designs?"_

"_One year", declared abed._

"_One month,"_ _countered Troy._

"_Alright, Troy's it is then. Affirmed Bubblegum. "Sorry, Abed. If it's any consolation, your _

_castle really was the more beautiful, more sturdy, more fortified. And usually I'd pick quality _

_over anything else. But like I said I'm in a hurry, so chalk this up to bad timing more then anything else..._

…_..._

Abed sighed, "what a disaster domino."...

FLASHBACK...

_NO! Shouted starchy, as he got in the way of the banana guards that had come to tear down _

_Red's-vill. "This castle is the only great accomplishment I have to my name!"_

"_Starchy, get out of the way."Implored bubblegum calmly._

_MY NAME IS STARTCHICUS! screamed starchy as he swung out his blaster..._

…_..._

Troy could still feel the fire of the explosion...

FLASHBACK...

_KABOOM! The reds have returned fire! Then it's war! _

_Suddenly the two lines converged..._

_A gumdrop screamed as he was impaled by a pick-axe..._

_a lollypop cried over her bullet ridden boyfriend..._

"_PROTECT THE PRINCESS!" Screamed Cornell Candy corn..._

_HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! Laughed a malevolent crunchy as his flamethrower ripped through..._

_FALLBACK! PROCTECT RED'S-VILL!..._

…_..._

Sensing troy's eye's on him. Even as far away as his opposing castle, he couldn't help but comment: "to be continued."

FLASHBACK...

_Bubblegum coughed out smoke as she climbed out of one of the now many impact-crater. On _

_the now vacant battlefield. She looked around at all the death and destruction, and said: "what the butts just happened here!?"... _

…...

**AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot, maybe two-shot at most. That I might continue one day...but probably won't. **

**But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

**also, could someone contact the deviant artist Markmak or show me how to contact him? I'd like to talk to him, but the computer won't let me comment on deviantart.**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**It is the reviews that bind us...**


	2. Chapter 2

RED V.S. BLUE ch.2

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**Children but no laughter**

**Balloons with no owner**

**Blood spilled with no purpose**

**Sheri bopins- Raspberry by birth, red lover by choice**

…**...**

**Fin the human: There was a point were I saw nothing but fire...then I started slashing...Then I hit something...heard someone fall...could of been someone from my side.**

…**...**

**Narrator: In 2014XX; the Candy Kingdom was the sight of one of the largest and bloodiest "Building material dispute" in recorded history(which really isn't saying much to be honest). It shaped and scarred the landscape of that kingdom. And forever changed the lives of those involved...**

**A princess who derided the whole war as "silly" and "pointless"...and spent most of the war pleading for her castle to be built so she would finally be allowed to manage the affairs of her country legally again...**

**The only known human in existence forced to fight a war that he didn't really understand...Nor why girls are so complicated(we feel you buddy!)...**

**His brother and friend(for the moment)...who would soon be the unwitting instigator of the loss of his innocence.**

**The sensitive high school globnar quarter back who became commander of his own army. He would later say of the war: "It was awesome; but also...It wasn't?"**

**And his socially dysfunctional best friend turned bitter rival. An uncompromising tactical mastermind feared by all...Yet unable to pay taxes without reciting the alphabet...or tell time without painting fruit...**

**The rift in their friendship would carry the kingdom into a conflict lasting weeks...costing millions of dollars in damage and thousands of innocent lives...oh, and a cat got hooked on drugs...**

…**...**

**Jake the dog: There are people who say: "I don't get it...so it was a fight about building material disputes? Doesn't that seem silly?" To which I say: "You weren't there"... **

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

RED V.S. BLUE ch.3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**THE CAUSE**

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir. Friends so close that they have tied multiple times with Finn and Jake to receive the honor of grace the cover of "Best Friends weekly".

After her palace was destroyed by another one of Marceline's private rock performance's. Princess Bubblegum commissioned the two to build her a new palace.

Abed insists on Red Bricks for greater endurance and beauty. But Troy wishes to use Blue Bricks for rapid expansion and easy-rebuild-ability.

This rift is exploited by Robert Laybourne. The head of the A.C. Repairman Fraternity. A cult that's believed to stretch back even further than the mushroom wars. He believes that Troy is their prophesied Messiah. And is willing to do anything to get him under his control.

In the greatest of secrecy he play's off Troy's fear of being the sidekick, while also encouraging Abed to not compromise his dream with mediocrity.

This culminates in Troy seceding from Abed's Palace. And building his own palace on the other side of the kingdom; which he names: Blue-Burg. Abed renames his Palace Reds-Vill. For the sake of conceptual symmetry.

Things quickly reached their boiling point. When Princess Bubblegum(under a severe time crunch to restore functionality and legality to her kingdom) chooses Troy's Palace since it's the closest to being done.

**RECORDING #132:** _NO! Shouted starchy, as he got in the way of the banana guards that had come to tear down Red's-vill. "This castle is the only great accomplishment I have to my name!" "Starchy, get out of the way."Implored bubblegum calmly._

_MY NAME IS STARTCHICUS! screamed starchy as he swung out his blaster...Only to trip over his own legs and causing the blast to go wild-_

A level 7 blast from a pip boy 27 caliber flies wild and hits a load bearing poster; which brings down a tyrant sized portion of Blue-Burg.

**RECORDING #246, 76, 902 : (**Bzzt) -it's war!(Static) The two lines converge(recording too degraded to continue)

Sally! (Static) -Behind me! shouts an ice cream gu-(Bzzt) A lollypop girl screams(static) Bullets rip through him-(other half of recording believe to have been fenced)

Stop! Screams Bubblegum. "This is madness! Your killing each other over building materials! It's silly! It's- **KABOOM!**(end of recording)

The battle was later named "The Bloody Kerfuffle"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

RED V.S. BLUE ch.4

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**THE ALL TOMATO**

-"This is your fault. No, it's your fault. No, it's your fault! Your fault! Your fault!" "Okay! I've got good news for both of you!" Snapped Bubblegum at Troy and Abed. "Neither of you has to apologize, because what your doing is equally ridiculous!"

Marceline then steps in. "So how about I give you both imaginary friendship hats that automatically make you both friends again! Everyone's happy!" She insisted as she put the "hats" on their heads. She then turns to bubblegum. "Okay, are we done here?" She asks impatiently.

Both boys just shake their heads. "Sorry Princess, I'm afraid this matter is a bit more serious then that." says troy as he and abed take off the "hats." "No, it's not! Snaps bubblegum. Your children acting like grown-ups! Which is fine...Just don't pretend it's anything else...And stop getting my poor citizens killed!"

…...

"Marceline, your not mediating!" Marceline shrugs. "What do you want me to say peebs? Some conflicts are so pointless they just have to play themselves out."

Troy nods. "Fine, the legit republic of blue's-burg says that Red's-vill has until midnight to surrender their territory." "The united forces of Red's-vill declines the request-" "It's not a request. I'm giving you an all tomato. Meaning either you give me the whole tomato or else."

Abed nods. "See you at midnight then." He says as he leaves the room. Bubbelgum groans. "Oh, Glob...Don't these people have jobs?" Marceline shrugs again...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

RED V.S. BLUE ch.5

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**THE DEADLINE**

**Narator: The deadline divides families, friendships, and even book clubs.**

**LSP declares her allegiance to Abed declaring him "weird, but more styling."**

**Treetrunks declares her allegiance over a phone message to her husband:**

**RECORDING # 285: **_I'll be home late sweetie. Troy is stifling Abed's right to be a creative butterfly, and I need to keep his troops supplied with fresh apples and off the weed._

_Don't let sweet pea stay up to late, and please record my stories._

**Abed appoints Treetrunks as his second in command.**

**At which point LSP switches to Troy's side...she would then try to form her own side after having her affections spurned by Troy...She is promptly beaten up and driven out of the city for being a nuisance...**

**Starchy "local coot": There are those of who thought that midnight might come and go and nothing would happen...(scoff)...I was in the straits during the Pancake rebellion. And I knew the sound of crap that was about to hit the fan!**

**You know what it sounded like?**

**Silence... **

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

RED V.S. BLUE ch.6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**MIDNIGHT**

**Midnight comes and the campus holds it's breath...**

**Finn: Yeah, me and Jake had been out of town the past couple of weeks beating up toad-trolls in the gloop Kingdom. So we didn't know anything about what was going on. When we first entered the city we were invited to a party. And we thought "Why not?"(finn sighs) It was a simpler time...**

**Jake: I keep playing everything back that whole thing over and over again in my mind. And I know it's not healthy; but I keep thinking "What if". What if we'd refused to go to that party? What if we'd took the scenic route to the kingdom? What if I'd packed a lighter lunch? What if unicorns are secretly bald?... **

**Maybe that whole mad scene could've been avoided...**

**Recording #65: **_Hey! I know there are plenty of Red-lovers and Blue-enthusiasts out there thinking it's going to go down tonight. But there's a lot of us folks in the scene in between saying: "Hey, were all just looking to chill out and have fun with someone special. This is DJ Starchy signing off with the smooth sounds of daybreak._

(Daybreak theme plays in background)

_-I got to get this on film. I'm straight up trouncing Finn at "Go blow up Fish."_

_Dude! What are you doing!? Don't record this!_

_Wait did you hear that?_

(Camera turns to see a screaming hoard of reds heading for them)

_Holy Glo-(recording ends abruptly in static)..._

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


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